It looks rubbish.

And full of people who don't look like human beings.

Anyway, Berlin - Take My Breath Away.

With lots of Tom Cruise and that woman whose name I've forgotten.

Why does a film about fighter pilots have such a stodgy, leaden, lifeless theme tune?

Even the key changes are leaden.

How on Earth can one do a leaden key change?

And yet they've done it.

Catherine Stock - To Have and to Hold.

First two lines have same tune as Alone Again, Naturally.

Is this a TV show theme tune? It sounds like it is.

This is dreadful. It makes that Howard's Way theme tune sound like a masterpiece.

This is one of the most boring things I've ever hoid.

She looks like Stevie Riks.

In act, she looks exactly like Stevie Riks.

And Alvin Stardust.

Chart countup.

Bob Geldof has a hit!