They're only trying to peacefully live their dear waspy little lives by ruining people's picnics and persistently harassing small children drinking fizzy pop and crawling into people's drinks when they're sat in beer gardens and stinging you.

I have once again ascended into the loft to carry out the 2nd of the 3 annual replacings of the insecticide dispensers.

It's so nerve-racking, I'm constantly afraid of being attacked by loads of wasps, and/or falling through the trapdoor.

One took a shine to me in the queue to get into the supermarket the other day. I couldn't just rush into other people's spaces so I had to just run around the trolley until it flew off.

Got some new spray to try. Sanmex. I presume that's short for sanitary Mexico so it should be more powerful than any native variety - I've used half the can already, but environment concerns were raised at the threshold of my sons bedroom - he's very lucky to have the choice of using an open jar of Spanish Orange Blossom honey from Harvey Nichols, on his windowsill, without permission, to tempt any insects in a more sustainable manner. Children in Mexico would look askance at the luxury before a good hard belting.

As I came out of the shop with my can of Sanmex, a bottle of Shiraz, my fags and my keys I was confronted with a real blast from the past. It was like seeing the baby daddy back in the day - 19 or 20, terribly pretty, dirty blonde, tall and lanky, clothes in need of a good wash. He gave me a lovely smile as he stepped aside, and I returned it through my facemask.

As twilight was falling I noticed a suspicious number of insects flying towards me and my neighbours' shared (disused) chimney stack.

I suspect there may be wild bees nesting in the top of it

I'm about to ascend into the loft for the last insecticide replenishment of 2020.

I can tell I don't want to do it, cos for the last hour I've been somehow finding other things to do that are more
important.

I have done it!

No need to do that again till March.

Just now I heard a buzzing noise upstairs, and a huge wasp was flying around in the spare bedroom!

I bravely armed myself with insecticide spray and dealt with it

After moving some boxes down from the loft, I found a big wasp lying on its back on the stairs. Once again I attacked it with insecticide

Will the wasp nightmare never end?

I don't think I've seen a single wasp all year.

I've got an extraordinarily scary-looking wasp in my flat right now.

It looks like one of those ones that sting massive tarantulas to knock them out and then plant their eggs in said tarantula so that when the spider comes to and goes about its merry way all wasp larvae hatch and eat it from the inside out.

A tarantula hawk wasp?

PS -

Is it big? It might be a hornet.

You don't want to mess with them.

It was at least the size of a dinner plate.