There's an owl on the loose outside.

I can't see it but it probably looks like this:

I hope no one has to venture outside right now. It'll probably tear their heads off.

They have claws the size of a man's hand.

And a body the size of a washing-up-liquid bottle.

That's a terrifying combination.

And their heads can spin all the way round, like Linda Blair.

A cross between Linda Blair and a washing-up-liquid bottle, that's an owl.

The Call of the Wendigo wrote:

And their heads can spin all the way round, like Linda Blair.  

And they can turn their heads upside down!

The way that second owl runs towards the camera is terrifying.

In a corner of your bedroom, while you sleep, the night's work begins...

That's a rather coquettish owl for a manly football club to have on their badge.