It currently thinks I'm by a stone wall in a side street in one of the posher parts of Paisley.

Of course 'posh' is a very relative term when used about Paisley.

Google thinks I'm in a field in Northern ireland, 200m from the A6 (NI).

Possibly because I was discussing the dual carriageways of the NoI online last night.

This morning Google thinks I'm on a half-built housing estate in Farnham, about 2 miles from Frensham Ponds where the boat scenes in Carry On Jack were filmed.

And about 350 miles from my actual location.

It says I'm at Turps Art School in that there London.

I'm assuming they use a lot of turps.

Presumably, for brush cleaning purposes. Not for drinking.

Google Maps has me in someone's front garden, barely 1300m from where I actually am.

It's reminded me of that X Files ep where the computer is trying to locate Mulder, and he watches as it zooms in on successive 90s satellite images.

Nevermind where Google maps thinks I am geographically. YouTube thinks where I am in life is a middle aged lesbian. It keeps offering me, in first choice, the opportunity to ‘Meet Gorgeous Ukrainian Women - international dating for the over 40’s’.

GM thinks I'm in an alleyway behind my friend's mum's house!

Which isn't a bad guess, that's about 700m from my actual location.

Your mother's back passage?

Are Google Maps subtly disrespecting you?

My friend's mum's back passage.

Anyway, it's not hers specifically, merely a footpath that runs behind the row of houses.

She may not be living there any more anyway. Or have died. I'll ask my friend at Christmas.