It has become suddenly and dismayingly clear to me that we do not have a sandwich thread.

WT(actual)F is going on!

Anyway, who doesn't like a sangwidge of some stripe or colour?

I know I do - both stripy and colourful.

Also, plain and monochrome.

Like Caerphilly on Mother's Pride with the crusts cut off and sparsely deployed mayonnaise for that 'moistening' quality that makes a sandwich even vaguely ebidle.

I've just had a Cheddar cheese sandwich.

I do not believe in putting mayonnaise onto everything. Particularly not cheese sandwiches.

I like a cheese and tomato sandwich, but the tomatoes must be disembowelled first to stop them making the bread soggy. I slice them up and then suck the seeds and pulp out before placing the remaining tomato flesh onto the cheese.

Obviously if I'm making the sandwich for someone else I use a knife rather than the sucking technique.

It occurs to me that if I used two layers of cheese, that would make the bread a bit more juice-proof, and so I might not need to disassemble the tomatoes so thoroughly.

I like a nice sandwich, me.

The Call of the Wendigo wrote:

I've just had a Cheddar cheese sandwich.

Go on.

I like a nice sandwich too.

I recently ordered a Reuben, which had to be sent back due to it being made with wafer thin roast beef and pieces of apple. I was expecting corned/salt beef and no f***ing fruit.

At home, I like to make myself toasted sandwiches, usually consisting of lettuce wrapped in goats cheese. Or grated cheese and pickle. I generally go without butter on sandwiches.

I disapprove of mayonnaise in all circumstances. I once saw a 5 litre tub of it in a staff room, on top of the fridge. The kind of container paint comes in. The sight made me feel sick.

Can I shock you?

Please do.

I'm still waiting to be shocked. So far, all I've been is disgusted. All this mayonnaise chatter, topped with the most revolting line in British comedy.

On tv recently , they asked viewers to text in their fav sandwich fillings and one of the most popular was Cheese and Onion crisps.....with chocolate buttons!

I stopped at Gretna services recently and all the sandwiches were at least £5, so I figured I might as well have the most exotic ones, so I had a salt beef and mustard on rye bread one, and a pastrami rye bread one.

I'd not had proper salt beef before, it was odd, like ham, but made of beef.

Anyway, the combination of meats bunged me up proper, it was 4 days before I needed to make a 'visit' as it were.

Proper salt beef is nothing like ham. Well, it might be, but I’ve never had ham, and the people who enjoy the most salt beef are definitely not the type to be basing anything on ham, so if it does it’s entirely coincidentally accidental.

I ordered salt beef in a pub chain, in a part of the country that probably had no experience of salt beef. They’d clearly just sprinkled salt on a slice of beef. The whole thing had to be sent back to the kitchen in disappointment, with a lecture.

I don’t care if they thought I was being a Karen Cohen - that was unacceptable. Now they know.

Edit - I see I’ve already spoken about a similarly sorry episode above. Yes, sending back ‘salt beef’ that isn’t is something I’ve had to do more than once, and likely will again.

Salt beef is like ham.

Say that around Golders Green, I dare you.

When I say ham I mean thinly sliced supermarket ham, not hey clarse thick rough-cut ham like perhaps you're used to, CT.

I am not used to any ham. I have never eaten it.