I genuinely want to own this painting.

Are two arses too much for one wall?

For above my bed I’ve ordered a repro of Gauguin’s ‘Spirit of the Dead Watching’.

However, I also have an original by a German whose name escapes me and whose scrawl in indecipherable, of a man from behind, erotic and almost pornographic by design, mainly in white chalk but with multicoloured sparks and flashes, on a dark brown background.

I think they’ll go brilliantly side by side colour wise, but it wasn’t a theme I was planning.

I think most art critics would agree that you need four.

Something something Four Candlelettos...

I'm not asking for much.

The Call of the Wendigo wrote:

I think most art critics would agree that you need four.

Yes, maybe another one, and embrace the theme. Four is too many - what do the critics know. Three is a charm, a hat trick, a lucky number, and my favourite number. Things come in threes.

Also, I don’t want visitors getting the wrong idea. In his early teens my son was interested in conch shells, and collected them. I find their pink smoothness and overall look to be vulva like, said so, and he then thought it was hilarious to leave them out - the living room coffee table, the hall table.

So I replaced his sign he had on his on his bedroom door ‘Mum - this is my bedroom so F*** Off’ with a spurting dick figurine from somewhere on the internet, and a sign that read ‘Behind this door lives a d*ckhead’. And he thought it was funny - so the sign is gone but the spurting dick’s still there.

Last thing I want is an over abundance of bottoms on the walls. Guests might discombobulate.

I do like this…

https://fineartamerica.com/featured/party-people-2587-lars-deike.html

That lovely green background, and all the multicoloured flashes. For the living room. I’m rearranging the art in there so I could make space.

To add to info above. The thing attached to the hallway facing side of his door is of the same brass gold as my Ashanti tribal door handles, so it’s doesn’t look out of place, even if it does stand to attention. I like harmonious elements, for pieces to have elements of another throughout.

The painting above - I think - goes well with one of my favourite repros - Cezanne’s bathers #12. It’s like a darker reflection of the same. That’s partly why I’m drawn to it, and considering buying.

Nightjar wrote:

I'm not asking for much.

Do you like Canaletto? I think I vaguely assumed you wouldn’t.

No, I don't like the paintings of Canaletto.

Only Andrew Lloyd-Webber likes the paintings of Canaletto.

Wasn't there a posh alternative to Vienetta called Canaletto or something?

Nightjar will know.

What is the name of those large Japanese paintings of emperors in robes. Often gold, on black backgrounds. Absolutely front on, almost cartoonish but too old to be.

I can find no evidence of a Dulux deluxe Viennetta spin-off of any name of sort having ever existed.

As for the Japanese paintings, I'm not familiar with them.

Are they perhaps Chinese instead?

This kind of thing?

Yes, similar, but always front on, usually with clasped hands. And more bleached out. Japanese.

Think I’ve found it.

Qing dynasty. So that is Chinese isn’t it.

https://www.orientations.com.hk/highlights/encountering-the-majestic-imperial-portraits-and-qing-court-rites

I still thing there’s a Japanese version that’s more bleached out and pared down.

https://www.redbubble.com/i/canvas-print/Mrs-Mangel-by-Helen-Daniels-by-ClubRetro/134535116.T8P6B