I think this offer is spread around all of the properties they look after so it's not as generous as it sounds. If it was just the flats behind this one front door I'd be more excited about my chances.

BTW it was Grace Kelly that had her own chocolate made from her own herd. I had presumed it would be the Belgian one, so a bit of a trick question there. One for us all to remember for future pub quiz nights. Mark it to memory.

I wonder where she kept them? I've never noticed fields in Monaco. She must've been renting them in a foreign country - what an extravagance. I had a friend who used her own breast milk to make dairy products - the things housewives do to fill time!

The neighbours have got their cones in their front garden again, so I'm betting the conniving caitiffs will be trying to put them in the road tomorrow/over the weekend.

Problem is, now I'm laying my plans to sell the house and move to Scotland, I can't afford to get in a dispute with the neighbours, cos you have to declare it when you sell, and it affects the price. So I'll just have to put up with it for the time being.

My place must be worth about £3.48 in that case. We've all fallen out numerous times over all kinds of things. Just the other week I (and everyone else) was copied into an email accusing a neighbour of causing vibrations, resulting in a crack in plasterwork, due to her being 'at least a UK size 12'.

This weeks proposal is that retired Gurkhas in full ceremonial uniform should be posted at each of the three (four including the mews) entrances to the street, twenty four hours a day, to provide security and carry out ID checks. I don't have the details to hand but it's a fully costed proposal.

It doesn't say whether the Gurkhas themselves have agreed to standing around on street corners. Nor did it explain whether it's legal to permanently seal off public thoroughfares with elite (albeit retired) fighting militia.

I've been looking up information on how to look after your car if it's being stood for a long time

Just taken the car for a drive - 2m forward, 2m back and 10 minutes idling.

I did that the other day, except I only drove the car forward 3 inches so a different bit of tyre was being used.

I also did that. I put chalk marks on the tyres so I could be sure that that had been achieved.

Same again yesterday. Plus I checked all the tyre pressures.

I have started up my car drove it forward 4 inches, and left the engine running for what seemed like 5/10 minutes to charge the battery up a bit.

Also cleaned up the bird (feathery) UNSPEAKABLE-thingy off it. Went back to slap Ziggy in some sort of sick revenge on all bird kind. But she over powered me and knocked me around.

On Wednesday I actually took my car round the block.

I got stuck behind the bin lorry in the next street, which is one-way. Pulse pounding tension! But when I eventually got home, no-one had nicked my parking space.

I took my car for an 8-mile spin today. I got up to 70 on the dual carriageway

It's the first time I've been more than a mile from my house in 10 weeks.

And I got my parking space back afterwards.

WhatDoesThisButtonDo? wrote:

Also cleaned up the bird (feathery) UNSPEAKABLE-thingy off it. Went back to slap Ziggy in some sort of sick revenge on all bird kind. But she over powered me and knocked me around.

I went for another spin, and I got petrol on the way back. It had gone down to £1.02! It was £1.30 last time I went near a petrol station. It felt like I'd been in cryogenic suspension for decades.

I got petrol the other day for the first time in over two months - it was I think just 99.7 here! I haven't seen petrol under £1 in years. It only cost around £40 to fill the tank from empty - usually it's more like £50+.

I only spent £9.01 because the tank was still 3/4 full - I never let it get any emptier than that, not since the fuel blockades in 2000.

My car is at the garage being MOT'd.

My associates have parked their car in front of my house, to protect the space from unwanted vehicles.

But I bet that won't stop next door's builders from parking really close to it

My car is now MOT'd and back in place.