It's yet another exciting feature, the like of which the world has never seen before. Here's where we can do running commentaries for any TV shows that we might wish to.

I'm about to do one for Doctor Who's Orphan 55, the episode that has torn fandom asunder.

That's because that's what this forum does - controversy.

Hold on. Let's see if I can find it on the iPlayer.

Let me get my various windows arranged so I can see everything at once.

I'm set up.

I'm already to go.

Trailer.

Annoying singing people I don't recognise.

It's started.

Blackness.

And then the purple opening titles burst out of the blackness. This has to be the best opening visual ever.

And I love the theme tune arrangement, especially that bit where the bass just suddenly drops away before the tune proper arrives.

"Written by the bloke who did the frog one last season."

That's literally what it says in the opening credits.

They've won a free holiday.

Now they're in a white and blue place.

Woman who looks like a Bolivian pus caterpillar.

The companions have wandered off and left the Dr all alone.

The resort's got a physical breach.

Old bloke and old woman sat admiring the swimming pool.

He's about to propose.

But Yazz has blundered in and got in his way.

Stop c*ck bl*cking, Yazz!