God, we've been stuck in this traffic jam on the A12 for an hour. Why does this always happen when we go to the seaside?

You've left me behind.

You just wait there. We'll be back on August 27th.

I have now defeated the sea.

It is just lying there, flopping around.

I think I have killed it.

So must die all who cross me.

And deny me a donkey ride.

I've found a dead crab in a rockpool.

It really stinks.

Now I've dropped my choc ice on the pavement.

Can you not pick it up again?

It landed very near a sun-baked dog d*ing.

The tide is coming in.

The sandcastles are slowly and inexorably being washed away.

Small paper flags of the world stuck on toothpicks are floating hither and yon, swept by the pitiless waters of time and tide.

So much like life.

Is the world as sad as it seems?

It's another bank holiday weekend!

I don't have a clue what it's celebrating but it's almost here!

Whitmonday, inntit? Pentecost and all that shizzle.

It's forecast to be cool and cloudy. So I reckon we should give the beach hut a miss. We could all go to a museum or something?

I might be busy on Sunday,

I'm going down the gym on Monday morning,

It's not a bank holiday today though, is it?

No. We're just trying to plan the NHOTW outing in advance.

Oh good, cos I have to go to the chemists for me tablicks.

The bank holiday weekend has officially begun.