My friends are in in Teh Gruaniads!

https://www.theguardian.com/cities/2019/jul/28/canalboat-owners-on-life-afloat-it-forces-you-to-be-green

I visited Liverpool and the Wirral for the first time in about 16 years a couple of days ago. I drove underneath the actual River Mersey and heard some accents.

I have a breakfast meeting (without breakfast) at work at 7.30.

I had to get up at 3.45 to be sure of being ready in time.

It was a productive meeting.

And afterwards we had a good gossip about a colleague who keeps misbehaving

I ain't half tired now though. Good thing I'm knocking off early to go to the doctor's.

I've just found out that my 98 year old Grandpa has been scammed out of £5000 by fraudsters.

Do you want some help 'sorting them out'?

The real issue is with the bank now.

They're the real scumbags in all this.

The scam was so preposterous it's beyond a joke.

My poor Grandpa is so shocked and ashamed.

I hope it wasn't someone beyond the reach of the authorities, and that he gets his money back.

It's highly unlikely he'll get the money back off the scammers.

The real issue now is how the bank let a very old, doddery man come into the same branch of Santander (and whatever it was before) he's been going to for at least 30 years to take out £100 a week (and £500 at Christmas) like clockwork suddenly turns up and demands £5000 in cash and is asked by the person on the counter what it's for only to be told that it's because one of his grandchildren is 'going travelling' (this is what the con-people told him to say) and then for the counter staff person to ask the infallible security question 'will you be travelling with them?'.

No alarm bells went off at the branch - no further questions - no consultation with a more senior member of staff - no basic security protocol whatsoever.

Nope, here's £5000 cash in an envelope very very old man hobbling along at 1 foot-per-second, off you go - enjoy your gap year backpacking across the Indian Subcontinent with your grandchildren.



Then, when the scam is revealed, what do the bank say?

'Well, it's his money, he can do what he likes with it'.

Un-flapping-real.

I have to go to the doctor's later this morning for a vaguely-specified 'health check'.

I'm wondering if it might be a trap of some kind.

Good luck.

I have returned safely.

Apparently my risk of having a stroke or heart attack in the next 10 years is only 1.8% .

What really surprised me is they still came out with that figure even though I told them honestly how much wine I drink.

Very nervous to write this because it might jinx it. On and off (now completely on) I've been seeing a lovely guy called Sean, 30, a mental health social worker. That's not how we came to be known to each other btw.

He's very strange - he has nights out with his 'mates' who have all been friends for years, along with their WAG's, he plays football for fun, and can spend hours in the park with his 10 year old daughter, who he shares joint custody for. More on her later. I remember parks as places to sit on the swings with a joint, and your foot on the buggy to let it move backwards and forwards.

There was a proposal earlier in the year, mid sh*g, so I did what anyone would do - called it a night and rang someone I'd been training for work, a deeply gorgeous young Pakistani guy with a Yorkshire accent. He came to my flat in the early hours and I sent Sean the pictures and camera footage of the ensuing events.

And this is what I mean by him being very strange - he came over and said quite calmly that he minded a lot (he cried a bit) and was very hurt, but that he understood and thought we should go away for a weekend. This involved a Centre Park with his daughter and my son. She dropped tanning oil on one of my handmade camel suede shoes, and had she been by daughter I'd have tanned her ar*e with it. But I went for a walk after screaming the accommodation down, and generally it was fine. She did apologise and so did I.

But we were talking constantly, and he had these 'conditions'. That I should re-engage with a therapist I'd fallen out with, try a different anti depressant and Propanalol (for panic attacks - unexpected side effects being almost no more headaches or migraines), and, err, that I reconsider my no more children rule for him. That last one is still open to negotiation.

For his thirtieth birthday I took him to Corsica and Sardinia, then on to Rome to share one of my favourite cities with him - a real tribute to him, and progress I felt. He complained that it was too much! See - strange. I'm aware of the NHS and social care crises but I can't solve them by not going on holidays.

So anyway I heard him and the basis of his concern - for our visits to New York and Madrid to see my two best friends who live in those cities, I booked him into economy and went to first myself. And then when we landed he said he had been insulted by that! So Madrid, fine, easyjet for us both - you can pay if you're feeling like a kept man. Upshot - both of my friends were beside themselves with approval about him.

He wanted his parents to meet me but I didn't feel comfortable going to their house or local pub so I suggested they came to meet my son and me, for gouter at my flat. It went well - we had orange blossom honey on white toast, kiwis, strawberries, and hot chocolate. A friend in the Westminster Cathedral choir popped by to provide us with some light operatic/Gregorian/Latin chanting. His parents are of Irish stock so I thought it might be culturally in keeping. I didn't really know what to make of them, they seemed a little on edge.

Anyway he's really very nice. 6'4, quite scruffy in some ways, lovely green eyes full of kindness and knowing. He already knows my brother - they work together. And he thinks my mother is great - in fact she rang to tell me not to bother her this weekend because Sean had already been round and had dinner with her while fixing her shower.

I've agreed to go to his sisters engagement party.