After several weeks' absence, chocolate digestives have reappeared in my local Heron.

They're charging £1.50 a packet for them. Before they disappeared, they were charging £1. How can they have gone up by 50% in the space of a few weeks?

Broken Biscuits Britain.

They'll be down to £1 soon, on special offer.


Probably.

The Call of the Wendigo wrote:

After several weeks' absence, chocolate digestives have reappeared in my local Heron.

They're charging £1.50 a packet for them. Before they disappeared, they were charging £1. How can they have gone up by 50% in the space of a few weeks?

Still charging £1 a packet in Poundland.

I want a pancake but the pancake shop's nowhere near where I am right now.

How about the flour shop?

And the Milk Shop?

And the Egg Shop?

And the Salt Shop?

And the Lemon Shop?

And Ye Olde Sugar Shoppe?

None of them sell pancakes.

Quite literally everything went wrong with my plans to make a nice dinner.

Everything.


I was so exasperated I ended up having a tin of soup and some bread.

I tried microwaving some fish fingers this morning. It was the first time I've ever tried to microwave fish fingers. When I tried eating them, they were only half done. I couldn't be bothered to put them back in the microwave for a second go, because I would've had to separate them from the sandwiches I'd put them in. So I threw them out for the birds to eat instead.

At half-past four this afternoon, they still hadn't eaten them.

What kind of bird doesn't like fish fingers?

Where's a heron when you need one?

This is definitely not ever going to be in my mouth.

Could Elvis have eaten your famous Seventeen Teaspoon curry pasta sauce?

Actually, it's a pity he didn't, it might have cleared out his tubes and saved him from death by c*nst*p*tion.

I bought some fresh peaches yesterday.

It's the first time I've ever eaten peaches that didn't come in a tin.

They taste horrible.

And their texture is creepy.

Hmm.. Furry...

And slimy.

Furry and slimy is not a good combination.

Nectarines are the peach-lite choice for wimps.