Good Morning Britain - US offers Anne Sacoolas for Prince Andrew. Sounds like a fair swap to me - get him to Heathrow, in handcuffs if necessary, this very morning.

Still GMB. I have mixed feelings about Piers Morgan. A third of the time I can't stand him or his views, a third I think 'shut up and just let other people speak', and a third of the time I think well, yes, fair enough.

I've come to the conclusion that he's worth his ITV salary. He's one of my mothers crushes - she told us over lunch one day that if she can't sleep she sometimes uses her vibrator while thinking of him. Being 65, she also told us it's now necessary to use it with a little lubricant. She favours warmed coconut oil. It's all thanks to Piers that we and a waitress know this.

For instance, he's now going on about Cambridge students union saying freshers shouldn't have to see cadet recruitment stands staffed by military personnel because it's 'triggering', and despite my despising guns and firmly supporting prosecution of soldiers who commit crimes, I agree with Piers. If you don't like it, don't join. There we are, that was easily solved.

Tracey Brabin MP now being discussed. I have to say, I too thought that outfit was inappropriate for the place it was worn. I saw it broadcast and my two thoughts were a) inappropriate, b) could've worn a bra. I've no idea what she was saying because I was so distracted by these two thoughts. I mean, this is not professional...



Apparently she used to be in Coronation Street. I think we can all agree that is only appropriate workwear if you work int' Rovers Return.

Now to see what's on the telly right now.

First Men in the Moon is on Sony Movies, right now.

The Ray Harryhausen one.

Actually, it's a really boring movie until they get to the moon.

And see a giant caterpillar!

Captain Kirk's having Trouble with Tribbles on The Horror Channel.

After that, the crew of Voyager are celebrating as they find a way back to Earth.

But 7 of 9 has suspicions about it all.

Now to see what's on the telly right now.

Britt Ekland is on The One Show.

Captain Kirk is forced to become a gladiator for the entertainment of aliens.

After that, the Borg are back and trying to get 7 of 9 to rejoin them.

That is all that is on.

That is not much.

Now to see what's on the telly tonight.

Captain Janeway is having a dramatic showdown with the Borg Queen.

To the Devil a Daughter is on TalkingPicturesTV at 10.

Phantasm's on!

Now?

Now to see what's on the telly right now.

Rugby is on BBC1.