Star Trek Into Skegness is on Film4 at 6:15.

Bermuda Tentacles is on The Horror Channel, right now.

It stars Linda Hamilton.

That's followed by The Masque of the Red Death, starring Vincent Priceless.

The BAFTA film awards are on BBC1 at 9 o'clock.

It's the absolutely and utterly awesome and unmatched and amazing, brilliant, astounding and astonishingly mind-shatteringly topper, beezer and thoroughly top drawer Hyperbowl tonight.


Geddit?

Is that something to do with 'The Superbowl'?

Several years ago in Amman I was involved in a lively and impromptu three table discussion about Petra. One of the tables was presided over by a woman from Las Vegas who said she had left a day early so she could get back to her Holiday Inn to watch 'the Superbowl'.

At that I tsked, waved my hand like she was a fly and turned my back on her. Absolutely zero interest in anything else she had to say on anything. I couldn't hear her after that so evidently she got it. The friend I was with reminds me of it whenever I say I'm always courteous.

Now I come to think of it, he was with me on another holiday when a sunburned woman decided to rip the cushion I was leaning on out from under me, without so much as a hello. I caught it just in time to draw it back within my control, hit her with it, and then throw it across her table where it knocked over a bottle of beer. Had no trouble with her after that.

She could've just said 'Can I take that cushion? You've got two and I've got none'.

Now to see what's on the telly tonight.

Captain Kirk is out for vengeance against a creature that killed his friend, years ago.

After that, the crew of Voyager are up against an alien species who think Paris's holographic imagery is a threat to their world.

Mary Beard's Shock of the Nude is on BBC2 at 9 o'clock.

Now to see what's on the telly right now.

Oxford United vs Newcastle is on BBC1, in the FA Cup, at 8 pm.

On The Horror Channel, Scotty is the centre of a murder investigation.

After that, a shuttle carrying Tuvok, Paris and the Doctor crash-lands in a deserted wasteland.

Life Drawing Live! is on BBC4 at 9 o'clock.