You leave it outside the property, which means you never have to deal with the men who take it away.

They simply show up and fling it into the back of their lorry.

You might be able to take it to a local recycling centre, I think mine take them.

I think Fanford dump accept mattresses too.

Though past experience shows that the rules may be varied at the discretion of the man on the gate and how you respond to being addressed by him as 'luv' or 'mate'.

The man at the gate can call me anything he likes if he helps me. My flat seems to be falling apart. I can't detach the headboard and over frame (which I want to keep) from the broken part of my bed because I don't have any tools or patience. Therefore I can't get it out in pieces, I certainly can't get an entire double with headboard and curtain frames down the stairs here, and the new one is arriving tomorrow.

The carpets need cleaned again. The painting I did before Christmas still doesn't look right in certain lights - decorators I've tried are booked for months. Earlier on I was reduced to ringing round takeaways online asking if anyone who worked there is good with their hands, for cash in hand. I've a man from a chip shop in Streatham ringing back over the weekend - he thinks his nephew might be free.

In addition to the cost of the bed, delivery alone is £340 because I live up several flights of stairs. I am absolutely Fizzisstissing money hand over fist. I've had to take the entire lot out in cash because the company payment system online was down, so they want cash on delivery. I hate having large sums of money on the premises - I never carry cash - I use a credit card to buy chewing gum in the newsagent.

The Call of the Wendigo wrote:

You leave it outside the property, which means you never have to deal with the men who take it away.

Sheffield must be a very accommodating place. The snotty c*** at the council I spoke to this afternoon told me that they don't pick up 'heavy' items, and don't have any booking availability in the diary anyway. When I suggested I could chop and otherwise smash it into hundreds of tiny pieces to make it less heavy, he said 'I don't think there's any need to take that tone madam'. Oh, just f*** off, I said, before hanging up.

The Call of the Wendigo wrote:

You leave it outside the property, which means you never have to deal with the men who take it away.

There's absolutely no way I'd leave that mattress outside my property. I'd leave it outside someone else's property if I could get it down the stairs and out without anyone seeing me do it.

One child was conceived on that - and urinated on it more than once as a baby, a fortuitous miscarriage occurred on it, various men have leaked onto it*, there's years worth of hot rock burns on it.

*That is, in large part, why I eventually instituted a 'get off, get up, get dressed, get out' policy - and why I keep a set of IKEA sheets handy to whip on and straight back off. I only discovered mattress protectors quite recently.

It could be that my approach is all wrong. A friend suggested I look at my walls in terms of a metre squared and another and another, and just do one square metre at a time, thoroughly.

I tried that, sitting and just breathing in and out, to reframe my mindset, but all I can focus on is the vast expanse extending out from one corner. I think I've got the wrong personality.

My personal portfolio management has become so extensive that I've attracted the interest of HMRC. Now I've got to register for capital gains tax.

I don't think I actually owe any, but they're suspicious

:Scrooge_McDuck.gif:

I can't find the warranty card for my watch battery. Without it, a new battery is £84.

What kind of battery is it?

A watch battery.

I thought it was in the same drawer as the passports, driving, and insurance related stuff. It definitely isn't. Thats really annoyed me.

It took me days to notice the watch had stopped - only when I finally twigged that it couldn't be quarter to 11 again did I try to wind it up. Then I noticed it was constantly ten past 10, and the search began.

You can afford it.

Like I said: more money than sense.

In future, staple all warranty cards and old receipts to your eyelids.

Assault and battery notwithstanding.

I have received a letter from HMRC that leaves me completely unsure whether I have to file a self-assessment tax return or not.

It says that 2021-22 was the last year in which I needed to do so. But I didn't do one that year.

I got one of those too. Before the end of this year, I shall attempt to fill one in, regardless.

I will follow your example because you have previously mentioned filling in tax returns, and appear to be experienced in these matters.