Nightjar wrote:

Nightjar's Crinkle-Cut Oven Chip and Baked Bean Three-Sauce Reverse-Pizza Affair.

Ingredients:

A lot of crinkle-cut oven chips
One tin of Heinz baked beans
A lot of mayonnaise
A lot of tomato ketchup
A medium amount of brown sauce

Method:

Put oven chips in oven
Put the heat on full whack
Walk off and forget them until you smell burning
Run into the kitchen
When chips are starting to go black at the edges hurriedly turn the heat down and put the beans in a pan
Add brown sauce (and/or Worcestershire sauce and/or Tabasco if you've got attractive company or are feeling extravagant)
Bring to a simmer on a low heat
When beans are gently bubbling remove from heat and pour onto a plate
Take chips out of oven (hoping you've rescued them) and immediately hurl them on top of the beans (the chips should almost entirely obscure the piping hot beans)
Impatiently scatter salt on the chips ensuring that loads of it goes on the floor and work-surfaces
Dollop loads of ketchup and mayonnaise all over the chips in artistic blobs
Grind way more black pepper than most people would find palatable all over the top
Serve with a few Aldi spicy gherkins
Optional: Put fried eggs on top as well (I recommend at least three), ensuring that each egg has some pepper on and a small squ*rt of brown sauce

Enjoy

Serving suggestion...

Oh, Come on.

I'm starving.

It does look delicious, though I'd have omitted the ketchup, mayo and brown sauce. And the gherkins.

Fangirl Three's Kale and Kidney Bean Stew (V)

Ingredients
1 bag kale
3 leeks
750g carrots
1 small swede
1-2kg potatoes
180g kidney beans
Vegetable oil
Mixed herbs
Kallo very low salt organic vegetable stock cube
Cayenne pepper
Salt

Apparatus
Massive saucepan, preferably a huge great stockpot with ears instead of a handle, and a lid
Ordinary saucepan

Soak kidney beans overnight.  

Put kidney beans in ordinary pan of cold water, bring to boil, boil vigorously 10 min and then simmer 45 min.

While that's happening...
Pick the thickest stalky bits out of the kale, wash the kale and put it aside. Clean and chop the leeks.
Cover the bottom of the massive pan with vegetable oil, heat. Add leeks, stir, and when they start going soft, put the kale in too and stir it up with the leaks. Put loads of mixed herbs in too, like a ½ teaspoon. Put lid on saucepan.

Chop carrots and swede, keeping an eye on the pan. When the kale and leeks are much smaller than they were, and all soft, but before they go brown, add the carrots and swede, and stir. Put lid on pan.

Make the stock cube up into 1 pint of stock.

The beans have probably finished simmering by now. Drain and add them to the big pan, stir in. Add the stock and stir. Put lid back on pan.

Peel the potatoes if liked. Chop into chunks. Add to pan. Stir. Add 1/4 tsp cayenne pepper. Put lid back on and leave on a very low heat for 60-90 min, stirring occasionally. You can leave the kitchen and go upstairs and go on the internet while this is happening.

When the potatoes have gone soft, add 1 tsp salt, stir, put lid back on. The salt will dry the remaining stock up quite quickly, so don't leave the kitchen for long.

The potato starch will by now have gone into the stock so the stew will be getting lovely and sticky. Take the lid off and stir frequently. If it's still a bit watery, turn up the heat, we're going for the line now.

When it's too delicious-looking to leave any longer, turn it out. Serves 5 very hungry people. Or 1 person for 5 weeks if you freeze 4 portions and eat one now. The frozen ones will be even more delicious when their time comes.

This is my favourite recipe, but as it takes about 2½ hours including preparation, I only make it when I've got time off.

You can use savoy cabbage instead of kale, and onions instead of leeks, and parsnips instead of the swede, if you like.

Either way this stew will warm you through thoroughly (and clear out your pipes if they're clogged).

I've found the cover image for the book.

That cosmictanya.

CT has someone else to sprawl unconscious in sinks for her