Breakdown insurance (car not me), water, gas, electricity, food, wine, beautification, medicine, presents, gambling, stationery, council tax, petrol, books, periodicals, news site subscriptions, donations to progressive causes and Netflix.

Anything left over goes into the catastrophe stash.

Oh, phone/broadband as well. I couldn't last until the next payday without access to the NHOTW

Why is it that during work meetings we all have to go round the table introducing ourselves? Meetings I chair never do this - I work on the assumption that we all have something equal to contribute, nobody remembers names and positions given in this fashion anyway, and if clarity or friendship is sought it can be done away from the main table.

I've just received an outline from my colleague, with three minutes at the beginning set aside for this nonsense. It's all a bit like that stock 'reading and swimming' answer everyone gives when asked to describe their hobbies to strangers. Serves no purpose but to frighten introverts, dampen extroverts, and bore both.

Even if I do say so myself, people are always very flattering about meetings I chair. Those who know me as my informal social self remark on how crisp yet polite I am, respectful of people's time and contributions. At work I pride myself on European style with New York efficiency. I don't need schedules with 'getting to know each other' time marked out.

It's an insult. I also hold firm to the quorum of nine rule - any higher number than this is a waste of everyone's time and energy. One or two loudmouths, a couple of ar*e lickers, and everyone else discreetly looking at their watches, anything of interest either not expressed or unable to be expressed in the time allowed. Does everyone else agree? Good.

It's just not necessary. In my professional experience, anyone with any real contribution will make themselves known if they aren't already.

In fact, just last year I was paid a very great compliment - someone I hold to be an absolute c*w accidentally copied me into an email where she said I was 'pragmatic' and warned the intended recipient to be well prepared. Having often been accused of being hysterical and reckless in my personal life, I not only saved that email, but forwarded it to friends and relatives.

I have a meeting first thing tomorrow morning. Two attendees are well known to me and are called Alison and Helen. What kind of zone 5 nightmarish names are those.

Alison always strikes me as the kind of useful idiot who might've made a decent concentration camp attendant. Helen is relatively nice if a bit serious. The last time I saw her she hadn't taken the advice I gave her the time before about having her eyelashes dyed.

I've actually seen her wearing mascara but she's so fair that you can see a mile off that a millimetre of the underside remains undone. It's so offputting. I tried to tell her ever so discreetly at a buffet table and she was quite cold. I'd go so far as to say ungrateful.

We have a fortnightly Monday afternoon meeting at 4pm, which is annoying as I work 8-4 and have to stay late.

I'm hoping it's cancelled this week.

cosmictanya wrote:

I have a meeting first thing tomorrow morning. Two attendees are well known to me and are called Alison and Helen. What kind of zone 5 nightmarish names are those.

Could be worse, could be Wendy Sarah and Claire.

The meeting has been cancelled!

WhatDoesThisButtonDo? wrote:

cosmictanya wrote:

I have a meeting first thing tomorrow morning. Two attendees are well known to me and are called Alison and Helen. What kind of zone 5 nightmarish names are those.

Could be worse, could be Wendy Sarah and Claire.

What a thought. It's a rare Claire that isn't smug.

The meeting itself was an absolute waste of time so I've treated myself to a navy blazer with gold buttons and sharp padded shoulders.

I've just noticed that my f***ing autocorrect has resulted in an email going out inviting people to a revue instead of a review.

Bums, I've got to go back to work tomorrow.

And we've got a new line manager to replace our easy-going former boss.

I've moved my usual work-at-home morning from Thursday to Friday so as to be there early and make a good impression on him.

Some people broke into our network room last night! A security guard has been posted outside all day!

After your sweet sweet cat5 cable....


Or is it Cat7 these days?

Or where they after your 0s and 1s??

WhatDoesThisButtonDo? wrote:

Or where they after your 0s and 1s??

People trying to get their hands on my bits

Did they get a nibble?

That's the word on the street.

I was unexpectedly told today that I'll most likely face a choice between redundancy and having to change roles from in-house software developer to configuration twiddler on outsourced software.

So it turns out it was really lucky I was already uncharacteristically formulating plans to leave. If I'd been set on staying in the job till I was 67 - which until a year or so ago was my plan and had been for the last twenty years - I'd have been completely destroyed.

Isn't it odd the way things turn out sometimes.

Also I've been told that I've been turned down for income protection insurance because of my complex medical history.

I shall just have to hope I don't get too ill to work, assuming I can find any

I feel like I'm in an early 80s Radio 4 Monday night play, my whole prosperous world has been turned upside down.