What's happening in your life?

Helium wrote:My living room light has been broken since early March if it's any consolation

That's nothing. My hallway lighting has been down for about a year. If I flick the switch up, it trips the whole upper half of the building (so five flats including my own), and sets the general alarm off throughout the communal area. Candles have become a necessity for us here.

My first attempt at fixing it involved positioning a door just so, and using the heel of my shoe to secure myself in place on the doorhandle, while my son shone a torch mainly in my eyes, and three neighbours shouted panicked and unhelpful suggestions in case the sprinklers also kicked in. Apparently they do if the alarm isn't addressed within a certain timeframe.

I'm waiting for a toenail to drop off. Wearing steel-capped shoes, about two months ago, left it very black and battered and now it's starting to come loose. I've not had a toenail drop off since I was at school.

I wonder if I should keep the toenail for posterity?

Maybe the Toenail Fairy'll give me 50 pence for it.

The Nightjar Factory

by Ian R Jght

Wide awake with one thing and another, so the initial cuts have been made in the last few minutes. At the back, from the underneath part. It felt tres dangerous. A rubicon has been crossed here this morning.

I'm pleasantly surprised by the colour and texture - a natural bronde, but with an unexpected almost copper/gold tone to some of it (catches the light beautifully, otherwise it looks dark) and virtually no greys back there. If I'd known things had developed so nicely out of sight, I might've gone with that all these years. I've been blonde since the summer of 1995 and am a firm believer in the 'more fun' theory, but what I've found back there underneath makes me wonder if I could've had a much calmer and classier quarter century, and one without the effort and expense of keeping up with dyed blonde hair.

And one without the inevitable mistakes and inconveniences of bottle blonde life - regular bleach burning to the scalp, shades that vary on some mysterious hormonal timetable so you can never be sure it'll be exactly the same as the last time, endless conditioning to apply moisture. Even one that went so wrong thanks to a swim, a fearsome old dowager in Scotts restaurant stopped at my table to say she had always wished to have the courage to dye her hair green. I could've cried.

I've put my Philip Kingsley elasticizer on, and placed a Sainsburys carrier bag on like a shower cap to allow some humidity to build before a proper wash and some more radical moves with the scissors. Having a fag and a cup of tea to steady the nerves. I could resemble Sinead O'Connor by breakfast time.

6 Am Raid on Tescos: Mission accomplished.

Oh my god. That was a traumatic shower. Due to having tied it back, held it back, worn bandanas, scarves, and baseball caps, some of it was actually matted. A brutal tangle tease mid condition couldn't help. I had to run into the living room, grab the scissors, get back in the shower, and just hack into it blind. Handfuls of it, all swirling around the bath and hanging off the walls like the remains of a Dolly Parton wig after a b*tch fight. NJ isn't the only one who'll be plunging away today. No need for a plug to keep the water in that bath this morning.

I can't look in the mirror because I don't feel strong enough. I've set some of the larger pieces on the edge of the bath to examine properly. Going back in there to finish the deep conditioning after this emergency cigarette.

I'm going to have to vacuum the bath.

I wonder how much a decent syrup costs, and where from, and if they might be open in the foreseeable future.

A decent synthetic Irish costs about £300-£350.

I know a good supplier but aren't sure they can do much during the shutdown.

That's quite cheap?



nHoW after the lockdown:

Not sure if synthetic appeals. It's a whole new world out there to be discovered. I have gone the full Abbey Grant now - matching the hacked sections as best I can in the mirror, and casting it into carrier bags. I expected to cry but I felt strangely emboldened.

Price wise that's not bad. Salon about £200 a time so it would be cheaper if it lasted a few months. Do they last that long?

This time just two hours ago

A horrible realisation has set in as I watch GMB. I have given myself a Boris Johnson hairdo.

It's always an ego boost when your own child, half asleep, appears in the room and is suddenly wide awake and asking "What. The. Actual. F***. Have. You. Done?"

Get your own breakfast.

WhatDoesThisButtonDo? wrote:That's quite cheap?

When I've worn wigs they've been quite short ones. Really long ones would be 3x the price.

it would be cheaper if it lasted a few months. Do they last that long?

In my experience a quality synthetic starts to look a bit split-endy, especially at the back, after 6-9 months' continuous use. Longer if you have two identical and alternate them.

Human hair wigs are a lot more expensive, and they're just as much work to look after as yer own hair.

The Call of the Wendigo wrote:I'm waiting for a toenail to drop off. Wearing steel-capped shoes, about two months ago, left it very black and battered and now it's starting to come loose. I've not had a toenail drop off since I was at school.

It's now hanging by a thread. How long can it hold on for?